LOL! Funniest quotes about travel

2017-08-25 15:30 - Unathi Nkanjeni
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Cape Town - As fun as travelling can be, it can also be very stressful.

From dealing with long flights, different cultures, and sometimes spending a little time on the toilet or even worse sitting in somebody else's urine and the cabin stewards acting rather unphased about your dilemma

SEE: #PassengerNightmare: Man endures flight from UK to Cape Town sitting in 'somebody else's urine'

Yes, travelling has its many fair shares of random acts!

But the next time your travel dream becomes a nightmare, there are some funny quotes you should keep in mind because even the most stressful of travelling days can be made better with a laugh. 

NOTE TO SELF:  When life hands you lemons, you ask the flight attendant for three mini bottles of vodka and a packet of stevia.

Here are some quotes told by some of our favourite comedians, authors, celebrities and travellers:

Come fly with me

I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it." - Les Dawson

The politics of travel

"You suddenly realise that you no longer in government when you get into the back of your car and it doesn't go anywhere." - Malcolm Rifkind

The million dollar question

"It's strange, isn't it?  Stand in the middle of a library and go "Aaaargh!" and everyone stares at you. But do the same on a plane and they all join in." - Tommy Copper

Notes from Underground

"You sit beside a robot on the public transport system for an hour. Then their mobile phone rings and they turn into Santa Claus. This is the great sadness of modern 'civilisation'." - Auberon Waugh

Off the rails 

"The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the first one before it." - GK Chesterton

On the bus

"You know you're poor when you envy people with bus passes." - Bonnie McFarlane

Call me a taxi

"I jumped in a taxi the other day. I said, 'King's Arthur's Close.' The driver said, 'don't worry I'll lose him at the next set of lights'." - Tommy Cooper 

Better safe than sorry

"Airline hostesses only show how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965. " - Jerry Seinfeld

Joys of youth

"I much prefer travelling in non-British ships. There's none of that nonsense about women and children first." - Somerset Maugham

Terminal illness

"I wouldn't mind dying for France, but not for Air France." - Charles de Gaulle

Immutable ways of travelling

"The quickest way to make a red light turn green is to try and find something in the glove compartment." - Billy Connolly

Get lost

"Did you notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?" - Erma Bombeck

Take a hike

"I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can I have a lift?' I said, 'sure you look great. The world is your oyster. Go for it'." - Tommy Cooper

Directing traffic 

"The likelihood of getting lost is directly proportional to the number of times the direction-giver says, 'you can't miss it'." - Hal Roach