Subject: Just checking in.
Hello, it’s me. Tambs, I sent you a letter the other day. Did you get it? I’m opting for an e-mail this time; it’s not that I don’t trust the post office but you know…we can never get too comfortable.
I hope you didn’t take any offence to my previous letter. I was just trying to give you some refurbishment tips. Somehow my letter to you ended up on the interwebs and all of the sudden I had strangers knocking on my door. It was crazy buddy, I felt like the OR Tambo Complaint Department Headquarters! Do you have such division? Maybe you should put that on the agenda for your next family gathering.
I was wondering if after all these complaints you’d like to meet to go over everything? They say that time’s supposed to heal you but you ain’t done much healing.
I feel it’s necessary to attach an invoice to this e-mail Tambs, I listened to so many complaints (see that’s why I told you to open up a Complaint Department Headquarters, just think about all the job creation you’ll be doing). People got very are angry and irritated with you. One gentleman complained about the stuffed toys barking and running around your departure hall and another lady got terminal confusion; she said that some flights will check in at Terminal B but depart from Terminal A. I’m confused too. She used words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ and said that the terminal does not appear on the ticket. Tambs, people don’t like to guess and have FOMO in an airport; maybe you should put a bigger printing budget on the agenda as well?
Hello, can you hear me?
I went to this social media place called Twitter and searched for your name. You won’t believe it but between a few hashtags and retweets you were kind of famous buddy (but I don’t think it was a case of any publicity is good publicity).
I opened up my heart and couch for all the other complaints, so do you want to have a seat and tell me what happened at passport control on the 7th of March?
I’ll bring you something to drink just now, but first answer this: Where were you between the hours of 06:00am and 18:00pm? Did you make contact with absenteeism again? One passenger missed her connecting flight; she waited in line at passport control for over two hours. Apparently you had a chat with her in that Twitter-place and she told you that there were custom officers just sitting and doing nothing!
Ah no Tambs, I thought you were on the way to recovery.
I thought we talked about the absenteeism but now you have people practicing their absenteeism while being at work? One plus one does not result to thirteen immigration lines and only two agents working the visa exemption line. And to top it all off, your other family member, SAA, charged the poor passenger because she didn’t make her flight. Buddy, she was there, why didn’t you let her through?
Tambs, I don’t know where our relationship is going anymore.
I’m sorry for breaking your heart. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you; after I gave you some refurbishment tips a few of your family members paid me a visit.
AlwaysOn explained to me how to connect to their network; they took customer care to a whole new level (you should learn from them). Papa ACSA also made contact with me (actually they just acknowledged receipt of my inquiry, I’m still waiting to hear from them). I see your well-behaved brother in Cape Town started following me in that Twitter-place, do you think they want a letter as well?
Anyway Tambs, how are you? It’s so typical of me to talk about myself. I’m sorry. I hope you are well.
Please remember to settle the invoice attached, discuss the complaints mentioned during the next family gathering and take care. You know my inbox is always open for a chat and you know how much I love writing to you.
Hugs and kisses.
Anje Rautenbach is the writer behind the blog Going Somewhere Slowly, find her Facebook,Twitter or on Instagram!
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