Cape Town - Based on our Springboks' current performance in the world of rugby, the 2023 Rugby World Cup title might seem like a pipe dream at this point.
But as the official announcement for the 2023 host will be made on Wednesday, we're crushing as to why the Rugby World Cup board has already recommended SA as the best bidder, leaving Ireland and France extra salty.
Sure, 2023 is a big year for rugby as well, marking the 200th anniversary of the sport's invention - but our Springbok Rugby Experience Museum - with its historic memorabilia doesn't even come close to capturing this, now does it!?
Our country also isn't really that rugby-crazy - all those people descending upon pubs and sport stadiums each weekend is obviously paid for by the rugby 'illuminati'.
SEE: 12 Reasons why you should 'never' travel to South Africa
And so what if our sunny shores have already hosted a rugby world cup, as well as a cricket and soccer world cup - based on this alone - people are probably so 'sick' of coming here. And on Fridays leading up to momentous sporting events everybody dresses in green and gold.
Gees, what gees!?
Our cities may have topped the Mastercard Global Destination Cities Index, but that was obviously a fluke. And just in case you need to be utterly convinced about SA's inability to host this prestigious event, let me break it down for you even further - you'll see exactly what we mean.
Too much food
France is world-renowned for their culinary expertise, and rugby fans would much rather chow down on escargots while watching the rugby finals. No one wants hearty meals like South Africa's braai meat, roosterkoek or gatsbys - you'd much prefer small appetizers so you can be hungry later.
You definitely don't seek out the delicious aromas of a sidewalk boerie roll during sport events.
SEE: Taste SA's delicious heritage in 5 authentic dishes
The 'Rainbow' Nation
South Africans are just the worst, with their diversity and overbearing friendliness and general acceptance of visitors. Laughing together at viral posts taking a dig at racial stereotypes clearly proves that we can't work together to give visitors an amazing world cup experience.
We already proved in 2010 that we can host a killer party, the world doesn't need another banger.
SEE: South Africans take a dig at stereotypes as racial Q&A goes viral
Culture for days
South Africa has got culture running out of its ears, so I'm sure the world has had enough of our gorgeous traditional dress, banging beats and languages that thrill the ear, even though the Irish agree SA has one of the sexiest accents in the world.
The Irish clearly have surpassed our level of pizzazz.
SEE: It's official!? SA's Afrikaans ranked the sexiest accent in the world
A beer 'desert'
Any rugby event needs a lot of beer. We may be home to the biggest beer company in the world and experiencing a massive boom in the craft beer industry, but that doesn't mean sports fans will want to catch a game with an ice cold South African lager to wash down that insane win (or devastating loss)?
Our beer is probably also too cheap for overseas rugby fans.
SEE: Cheers! Here's to the SA craft beer revolution
No place to stay
We may have a booming tourism industry with an array of luxury, budget and unique accommodation options, but rugby fans would rather stay in boring places with little ambience. They also want to pay way more for places in Ireland and France, both of which have consistently made it onto the list of most expensive cities in the world every year.
Even Airbnb doesn't like us that much!
SEE: Airbnb to invest $1m to boost township entrepreneurship across SA and Africa
Not convinced? Check out SA's terrible bid video below.
Clearly Ireland and France have this one in the bag. Bokke for life!
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